Blackbird
by HarmonyLover
Summary: As Kurt sings "Blackbird" to the Warblers, Blaine has a realization.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own any part of _Glee_; it all belongs to 20th Century Fox, Ryan Murphy, Ian Brennan, Brad Falchuk, et al. I write these stories purely for enjoyment; no copyright infringement is intended.

**Author's Note: **This is not where I expected my writer's block to end, but it wouldn't stop unfolding in my head. After six weeks or more of absolute blankness when I'm trying to write, who am I to argue with the Muses? This certainly isn't the best writing I've ever done, but then again, these two are in high school. Does it have to be terribly eloquent, as long as it's sincere? Forgive me for any mistakes, Gleeks – I never expected to write for this fandom, though I love Kurt and Blaine as a pair. I hope this does Blaine some justice.

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><p><strong>Blackbird<strong>

Blaine knew he was staring, but he couldn't seem to help it. As he listened to Kurt singing the delicate notes of "Blackbird" and watched his friend grieve for their club pet, something inside of Blaine shifted. The deep, unexpected rush of tenderness and affection left him breathless.

Kurt was _beautiful_. How had he not seen that before now? From the moment he had pulled Kurt through the hallways of Dalton and into the whirlwind of a Warblers performance, Blaine felt that he had found a true friend. Kurt was incredibly kind, opinionated, proud – proud of his talents, his fashion sense, his sexuality – and at the same time terribly vulnerable and shy. He never felt as though being himself was enough. Blaine understood that feeling, as did most of the gay people he knew. He could feel the dominant rhythm of the world around him, but he was always just a little off the beat. Sometimes the only way to survive was to learn to exist in the syncopation, but there was also happiness, camaraderie, and understanding in that space. More than anything, Blaine wanted Kurt to understand that he _was_ enough, that there were others like him and friends who would care about him for everything he was.

Sitting with David and Wes that first day and listening to Kurt's careful questions about Dalton, the familiarity of the abuses Kurt had endured made Blaine's heart ache. He understood the pain and marginalization that came with such cruelty. Kurt was struggling against tremendous odds – an indifferent faculty, an ignorant peer group, and overwhelming feelings of isolation, as well as a bully who was physically much bigger than he was. The only positive elements in the entire problem were Kurt's father and stepmother, who seemed more than willing to fight in order to protect him.

Blaine had immediately vowed to himself that he would help Kurt as much as possible. No one should have to go through such terrible things alone. He had borne a great deal of teasing, name-calling, and physical injury before he had come to Dalton, and until he had worked up the bravery to tell his parents what was happening, there had not been one person who had reached out to help him. He wasn't going to let that happen to Kurt. As awful as the bullying had been, however, no one had gone so far as to threaten his very existence. Kurt had suffered persecution and death threats from a boy who was so afraid of himself that he resorted to making other people miserable in order to hide from the truth. Blaine admired the fierce bravery in his friend more than he could express; Kurt had refused to run until the threats were so frightening that it truly seemed his life might be at stake. Gazing at Kurt's slim frame dressed in black, Blaine could only be grateful that he was safe.

As if Karofsky's harassment and unstable behavior weren't enough, Karofsky had kissed Kurt. Desperately, brutally, and without Kurt's permission. Anger burned in Blaine when he thought of it. Kurt's first kiss, which should have been wonderful, gentle, and certainly desired, had been unforgivably stolen from him by a closeted bully who only wanted to inflict pain. Kurt had spent his whole life hoping that someone would be able to love him for everything that he was, hoping that someone would embrace him and touch him in a way that wouldn't leave him in pieces. He lived daily with the knowledge (as Blaine did, as so many did) that it might not be possible, that being gay, lesbian, or bisexual in this country at this time was still difficult and often lonely. A kiss that should have been an affirmation of love, an affirmation of Kurt himself, had only been an expression of hatred and fear.

_At least I was given that gift_, Blaine thought. The first time he had kissed another boy had been a lovely, if bittersweet, experience. Todd Wright's family had lived down the block from his own, and Todd had been one of Blaine's only friends in the years when he still attended public school. Blaine often slipped out of his bedroom window to sit on the porch with Todd and talk when the two of them were supposed to be asleep.

Todd was two years older than Blaine, and his family had relocated to Florida when Blaine was fourteen. The night before the move, Todd had come to see him and say goodbye. He had seemed nervous and sad, but Blaine had hardly thought it odd. He was sad as well, and the prospect of facing school without Todd added one more layer of misery to an already painful parting

Just before Todd left, he had taken Blaine's hand, and Blaine had felt his heart begin to race. "I'm sorry I didn't do this before," he whispered. He had leaned over and kissed Blaine softly on the mouth, and any doubts Blaine had harbored about the rightness of his feelings had simply melted away. Nothing could have prepared him for the way a single kiss, given with kindness and affection and tenderness, began to heal the painful uncertainties about his identity that had existed for as long as he could remember.

"You're a wonderful person, Blaine," Todd said quietly as he pulled away. "Don't let anyone tell you differently and don't let them change you. Don't ever be ashamed of who you are and who you love. I'll miss you."

Blaine's eyes had blurred with tears that he valiantly tried to keep back. "I'll miss you too," he had whispered, and Todd had given him a quick smile and was gone. In some small corner of his mind, Blaine had recognized the gift even then. Todd had seen Blaine's feelings and had clearly had some feelings himself, but they were fourteen and sixteen and it was awkward and complicated. Knowing he was moving away and that he might never see Blaine again, Todd had been mature enough to acknowledge what they both felt and the difficulties of those emotions, while also telling Blaine that he had cared.

Blaine had cherished those few moments with Todd as a talisman, as proof that he was worthy of being loved and as a hope that he might, eventually, find someone to love. He just never would have expected it to happen this way, through a chance meeting in the school hallway.

With that thought, Blaine's mind stuttered to a stop. What had he just admitted? He loved Kurt. He was _in love_ with Kurt – and he hadn't had the sense to see it until this moment. Blaine loved his company, loved the gentle being that existed underneath the determined and stubborn front Kurt showed to the world. He loved his sense of humor, his passion for performing, the beautiful voice that was surrounding him and vibrating across his skin like a caress.

He was in love with Kurt. The thought was exquisite and terrifying, joyful and almost physically painful. He really was terrible at romance. Anyone who was any good at this sort of thing would have told him ages ago that he cared for Kurt as much more than a friend. There was no one he trusted with more of himself than Kurt, and Kurt gave him such absolute trust in return that Blaine often felt humbled by it. His mind had failed miserably in catching up with his heart – but he knew now, and he had no idea what to do with the knowledge. One part of him wanted to shout it to the whole room full of Warblers and Kurt himself, and another part of him shrank in terror from the idea that his feelings could actually destroy the deep yet fragile bond between them. He hoped that Kurt would be willing to take that step with him – but he didn't want to lose him. He would never forgive himself if he hurt Kurt, when his friend had been hurt so much already.

On the other hand, Kurt had practically admitted to him that his feelings were more than platonic. Surely it was worth taking the risk, when having a relationship together could be life-altering. Blaine wanted to know everything about Kurt – what made him laugh and gave him joy, what his fears and sorrows were, what he thought of upon waking and what his last thoughts were before sleeping. He wanted Kurt to know all of those things about him, and that thrilled him as nothing ever had before.

Kurt Hummel made him want to fly.


End file.
